What Choice Do I Have? A Poem
In the tradition of poetic realism
The ‘I’ of one presents itself in various way in the ‘I’ of all
Oh, what choice do I have?
landing on this weary earth
without natural selection
a household of odd parents
behind windows with partial light
where love abides with
besotted views, untenable demands.
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Were their choices in growing up?
what options beyond harm’s reach?
could I choose my DNA, size, shape
or mind, clever, shy, or engaged
Do I always feel loved?
I reject the adults who
robbed me of childhood
they behave as imposters
I cried, made clear my protests
who display supreme authority
made me face Judgement Day
over my yearnings to dance.
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Rainbow of Totnes, Devon, England
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What choice to select kindness?
to escape a culture of bullies,
or walk out of class confinement
or the penchant for happiness?
or find partiality for playfulness
and immerse in fusion of fun?
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A huge wave fell on midnight hour
love swept me in its magical current
I took the way of least resistance
until she caught me in her arms
I never felt like this before
while I landed upon my feet
what choice did I have to resist
her unstoppable magnetism?
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What choice did I have
when she left for green pasture?
my soul in a dugout of despair
alone in a cold, double bed
she has wrapped herself
around a perfect penis
breaths squeezed into oneness
her night could not come
too soon, my night descends
on me far too quick.
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What choice to be in my 30s?
demigod lands on my skull
two grey hairs warn of decades gone
of a life unexplored, unlived,
hairy-scary signals reveal
ways, reminders of yesterday
the ease of all night parties
of dives into winter seas
fearless indulgence of adventure.
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What choice of a savaged income?
bankers-wankers, dealers in desire
they who promote debt,
loans for homes and business,
loans for financial markets,
crash, crash, crash, heartbreak
leaving me a hammered head.
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Inflated desires lead to inflation
recession leads to depression
body of the Earth, bodies of life
economic growth, economic cancer
body politic, body dying
as I nibble crumbs at the Last Supper.
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Living sparks an awakening
unthought, unplanned,
glow of insights, realisations
abundance of expanded view
with the vigour of the heartbeat
vision leaves behind the old
I don’t’ know how this happened
like a blue dolphin upsurge
into the clear, blue sky.
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What shows me the way to the outdoors?
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I want to buy this, just this
I can’t make up my mind
my mind can’t make this up.
I search and search. I find and
find. The more I find the
more indecision haunts me
a paralysis of the chooser
with the default suggested
a flight from making a choice
I slump in the lazy mind.
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My mind lands on reviews,
comments, ratings,
let others decide for me
a package goes in the shopping bag
Amazon offers cardbaord boxes
profits built on addiction to inertia
little else to welcome
life hides somewhere else
tasted in the rich tea
for the tillerman
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Do I sign up to the dating
agency, a purity of intent or
addiction to desires
scrolling through, endless faces
entertainment, sex to escape
the boredom of inept days
craving for sensations, blind
hunt for the romantic ideal.
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I breathe types of Covid, plus
long Covid, short Covid
I breathe the air viruses
plague of enviro-mental life
plus, pollution, cigarette
smoke, fossil fuels from
transport, emissions
carbon dioxide
chemicals, carcinogens
while I cough with my
lungs screaming for mercy
from such daily abuse
devoid of human rights,
animal rights, eco-rights.
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Bottled water in one hand
is it a poisoned chalice?
mobile phone in the other
does it steal my mind?
I drink nano-plastic particles
in my bottled water, each one
revealed in my urine.
I absorb numbed texts,
disconnect from the real
dark net and dark X,
dark Instagram and dark despair
pressed to the ears and eyes
an aid to dullness, onto dementia.
sabotage of choice close at hand
where virtual becomes the real.
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I woke up this morning after
a perfect day, you reap what
you sow, nothing above nor below,
no goodbye, no hello
a song to say, a heart to beat
not sought and oh so sweet
I could not ask for more
I could not ask for less
I found myself truly blessed.
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What choice do I have in
daily abuse heaped on my
tongue? I eat additives
I drink additives
to encourage addiction
emulsifiers, chemicals,
flavours, colour, fat, sugar,
salt, obesity, heart disease
high blood pressure.
a weight upon being human
a shrinking of my humanity.
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What choice do I have?
My mouth has become a hole
to bury the waste of the food industry,
I dig my grave with a knife and fork.
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My issues cling to wellbeing.
fingers grip to a raft at sea
daily challenge to find purpose
the norm is toxic trauma
uncertain immune system
a swallow of daily pharma-
industry’s gluttony of chemicals.
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What choice in the big picture?
When I am here, death is not
death is here when I am not.
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Yet, despite everything
tawny owl calls in the night
a robin sings despite feline
threats and flowers welcome
soft sun, soft rain and soft hands.
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Something comes to me
I know not where
to burst my daily
slumber. I feel the power of
truth. I bow down to the power
that upends the routine and blows
away the cobwebs of time.
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“We have no choice,” said our leaders.
“They gave us no choice. We must
defend our values, our civilisation.”
Choice for us. No choice for politicians.
They impose their views
“We live in a free society.
Everybody has freedom of choice.”
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I see the hypocrisy of views
Choice must not get in the way.
To hell with choice, they say.
Nothing must stop hatches opening.
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What choice do I make in the
triumph of the trivial
superficiality of shopping centres?
“Do you like this colour or that colour?”
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It could happen, somewhere,
anywhere, out of the blue,
out of the depth, out of nowhere
something magical, inspirational
amazing, awakening, liberating
in this world, out of this world
something will be revealed
never seen before
I can feel it in my bones.
I feel I am getting ready
It might be today.
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Let me never give up on passion
let me never give up on protest
of the ugly acts of our species
let something emerge
revealing the richness of being
and the joy of doing.
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I haved loved you Christipher.
A fact. Not a choise.
Ask.
Ask anything but a clever question.
Thank you Christopher. What choice? and keep on protesting. Love BZ