"Suffering is part of life. Why should I want to get rid of suffering?"
An important purpose of communication sees the emptiness of rambling on and philosophising about the nature of the world. Communication can show the way to end the compounding of suffering, including clinging to views.
A couple sitting on the stony beach of Brighton, England with the rusty pier in the background.
A woman reflecting on such themes once came to have a 1-1 with me on a meditation retreat. She said: " Suffering is important. Why should I want to get rid of suffering? Suffering is part of life. Everybody suffers.
“I don't mind suffering. Why should I want to exclude such a basic truth of life?"
I said: "How are you feeling right now?"
She replied: "Right now, I'm feeling fine. My life seems to be going along well." She continued to reassure me that she had no objection to the suffering in her life; regular suffering was in the "natural order of things."
She said it was "unnatural not to suffer. Anybody who sees the end of suffering is closing themselves off to a wonderful part of life."
I told her she was speaking in the abstract and from an intellectually safe posture. I told her to come back and make the same remarks when she was experiencing suffering.
Some months later, she appeared at my door on a retreat in deep distress. Her husband had walked out on their marriage and found a lover half his age. Rage, jealousy and despair consumed her.
I reminded her of what she had told me some months earlier. I added: " You told me suffering is a wonderful part of life. Do you wish to cling to the viewpoint that says 'Suffering is a wonderful part of life?
“I assume it is a substantial issue for you that your husband has left you to sleep with his lover.
“Isn't your deepest wish right now to be free from all of this suffering you are going through?"
She agreed wholeheartedly. She gave her full attention to our subsequent exchanges.
I find this very timely as I’ve just written my memoir about how to ‘Never let a good disaster go to waste’. I decided to write it when I overcame my husband‘s betrayal in 12 hours. I realised I could suffer for 12 hours. 12 days 12 years or a lifetime. I chose 12 hours. Many people comment and say that it is impossible to overcome betrayal and the marriage of 15 years and 12 hours. My question is how long must one suffer?
I believe we’re always either in a disaster or between two of them, and without some sort of spiritual training, we are always at the mercy of whatever calamity is around the corner.