Discover more from Christopher Titmuss - The Buddha Wallah
How to Handle an Angry Person
It is important to remember that the anger in the mind of an individual dominates their perceptions. Anger engages in the production of fake news, lies, projections and distortions. Anger gives a sense to the person of being alive and having a cause to promote. There is also a deep-rooted need for attention.
Anger with facts does not work well either. It is hard to listen to angry person if they state the facts. That is rare. Distortion of facts usually pervades the anger. The angry type may not like another so will engage in backbiting. gossip, exaggerating the past and saying things to get the person angry as well.
The person on the receiving end of the lies/projections gets angry. A shouting match starts. The person subjected to the lies/projections has played into the hands of the angry individual. The angry one has got the attention they craved. It doesn’t matter that the angry person started the gossip. Witnesses will only see the shouting match. They will not see any differences between the two people. And they are right. There are no differences in anger.
In the inflammation of anger, there is no imagination. Two people or more mirror the same angry behaviour. If you believe someone makes you angry, it means you have handed over your mind on a plate and obediently done what they want you to do – get angry. After the angry bout, the one who started the fake news can rightfully claim what an angry person their foe is. The angry type gets a lot of satisfaction in their capacity to wind somebody up.
You have to use use your imagination to deal with the angry person. You do not contract. You do not engage in a passive response. You respond in a creative and constructive way. It also means you do not sink their level of anger of filled with abuse, name and threatening.
Getting angry, crying or being argumentative will give the angry person a sense of triumph. This will feed their angry mindset. The pressure will build up and the anger will then land on another to fulfill the craving for attention.
The capacity to handle the angry type with calm, clarity and authority has power to it. Be aware of when, how, where you will exercise your calm authority. Choose your moment. 1-1? 1-1 with a witness? 1-1 with a group listening? Spoken/Written? Talk about it first with others? Develop a strategy. Be precise with what you are going to say or write. Make sure it is factual. Is it a statement or a single question or more? You are neither polite nor rude.
Choose your words carefully. The power is in your hands.